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Date: 26 Mar 2000
Remote Name: 220.127.116.11
I have frequent suicidal urges that date all the way back to childhood. I have no insurance or financing to pay for any type of treatment (especially medicines). My biggest fear is that my husband will find out about these urges. I have four children, and in the event that we were to end our relationship, this would give him good ammo to declare me unfit as a mother. Especially since his sister is in a divorce and it was his idea to drag her husband's emotional troubles through the mud. A person who has never been through these type of emotions can never understand the continual inner battle that is faught on a daily basis.
I have been fighting this for years, it's very tiring, and everyone that I have entrusted with this, has let me down, or tried to give me that same old "and this is all worth killing yourself over?" speach. I don't like being patronized. I just want someone to talk to.
I have no friends worthy or capable of handling such dire information from me, and I am afraid that time is running out.